~ Read Job 19-20 Text, Audio
Lord God,
My
family, friends, co-workers, and classmates: everyone fails me, but you
never will. Though they think, they are being supportive, they only
inflict more pain with their careless, and callous responds. They don't
understand what they're doing, but their poorly chosen words and harsh
responses pierce my heart like an arrow. I think they mean well, but
sometimes I wonder how they could treat me so poorly yet think they are
being so helpful.
Can’t
they see the how stressed I am? Have they forgotten how I sacrificed to
encourage them when they struggled? It’s not like I don’t see my own
mistakes or recognize my sin. I know what I’ve done wrong. I know I've
sinned against you, and others; so I don’t really need them to remind me
of my past failures and mistakes. It only stirs up my guilt and shame,
and that’s not what I need. I need is comfort and encouragement.
I
know they believe they are better than me. I realize they think I have a
long way to go. Indeed, I do. I know I'm not the person I should be,
but I also know I'm not the person I once was. For unlike before, now I
know you are there and would never abandon me.
At
one time, I would have said you were an unjust, merciless, vengeful
God, who cared nothing for his creation; but now, I see your sovereignty
over all things. I see your justice and grace, even in the troubles I
face. While I can’t say that I enjoy my struggles, now I face them with
confidence knowing you will carry me through— whether you do so through
some supernatural working of your Spirit in my life, or through the
support and encouragement of your church, your people. One way or the
other, I know you will not leave me to struggle alone, because of your
great mercy and compassion.
In
my darkest moments, I confess that sometimes I still wonder where you
are in my sufferings. I wonder why you seem silent. When my troubles
overwhelm me, and I’m lost in despair, I wonder if you are punishing me,
or why you don’t do more to rescue me. Though I know you love me,
sometimes the troubles fill my heart with doubt; but just when I think, I
won’t survive; you respond to my cries for help, and my hope is
restored.
Lord,
please don’t remain silent for too long. Please don’t leave me in the
darkness. I don’t like the way hopelessness feels, nor the things my
mind is tempted to think when I’m there. I don’t like that way the enemy
attacks my faith with lies about you, and questions about whether your
word is true. I don’t like the way he uses the people in my life, even
those that I trust, to cause me to doubt your love for me, so I need you
to make him stop.
Stop
the lies he tells me and convinces me to believe. Remove the guilt he
stirs in my heart. Block the doubt he piles on me because of my sin, and
help me to see the cross, on which my Savior died, to renew my soul,
redeem from my sin, and restore me once more, to you.
By the power and authority of his great name I pray, Amen.